FEATURES THAT ABSOLUTELY DESTROY
EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO MAXIMIZE YOUR SCREAM
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GENUINE SCREAMING GOAT TECHNOLOGY
INFUSED WITH THE PURE ESSENCE OF GOAT FURY. THIS ISN'T JUST A PILLOW - IT'S A DIRECT CHANNEL TO PRIMAL ANIMAL RAGE. WHEN YOU YELL INTO THIS PILLOW, THE GOAT FEELS YOUR PAIN.
- ✓ GOAT-APPROVED ACOUSTICS
- ✓ RAGE RESONANCE CHAMBER
- ✓ CERTIFIED FURY TRANSMISSION
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PATRICK STEWART WISDOM
FEATURING THE DISTINGUISHED ENERGY OF A MAN WHO HAS COMMANDED STAGES AND STARSHIPS ALIKE. THIS PILLOW CARRIES THE WEIGHT OF THEATRICAL KNOWLEDGE AND DIGNIFIED DISAPPOINTMENT. MAKE SHAKESPEARE PROUD WITH YOUR PASSIONATE SCREAMS.
- ✓ SHAKESPEARE-ENHANCED VOCALS
- ✓ DIGNIFIED FURY ABSORPTION
- ✓ STAGE-PRESENCE AMPLIFICATION
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CORN-COMPATIBLE FURY
WHETHER YOU'RE YELLING AT CROPS, GRAINS, OR JUST LIFE IN GENERAL, THIS PILLOW UNDERSTANDS AGRICULTURAL FRUSTRATION. IT HAS SEEN THINGS. RIDICULOUS THINGS. AND IT'S READY FOR MORE.
- ✓ FARM-TESTED DURABILITY
- ✓ GRAIN-APPROVED RAGE
- ✓ CHAOS RESISTANT DESIGN
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SILENT FURY TECHNOLOGY
SCREAM INTO THIS PILLOW AND THE WORLD HEARS NOTHING. INSIDE THIS PILLOW? EVERYTHING. YOUR RAGE, YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT, YOUR ANGER AT THE UNIVERSE - ALL SAFELY CONTAINED. THIS IS THERAPY YOU CAN HUG.
- ✓ SOUNDPROOF CHAMBERS
- ✓ RAGE CONTAINMENT FIELD
- ✓ NEIGHBOR-APPROVED YELLING
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FOREST GREEN AESTHETIC
THE PERFECT COLOR FOR YOUR FURY. NOT TOO CALM, NOT TOO AGGRESSIVE - JUST RIGHT FOR SOMEONE WHO NEEDS TO YELL. LOOKS SOPHISTICATED WHILE YOU'RE UNLEASHING PURE RAGE INTO IT.
- ✓ PREMIUM FABRIC QUALITY
- ✓ RAGE-APPROPRIATE COLOR
- ✓ LIVING ROOM ACCEPTABLE
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ARTISTIC EXPRESSION OF FURY
A BOLD, VISUALLY STRIKING PILLOW THAT CELEBRATES THE RIDICULOUS. BECAUSE SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED A PILLOW THAT UNDERSTANDS ABSURDITY AND ISN'T AFRAID TO SHOW IT.
- ✓ STATEMENT PIECE DESIGN
- ✓ CONVERSATION STARTER TIER
- ✓ ART YOU CAN SCREAM INTO